Such important life lessons not the least of which being, "Lesson 1: How to Avoid an A-Whoopin’." Screw "Make America Great Again" (a plagiarization of "Make Britain Great Again," a dystopian phrase used by the fascist government in the Alan Moore comic book V for Vendetta, ch. 1, pg. 2, pan. 3). Hows about we make a-whoopin’s a thing again? Which, incidentally, had they still been, well, we would have never had to deal with such nonsense in the first place, now would we? Of course, some of yuns, might be middle-class or suburban (or worst both) and may suffer from a lack of resources in connection with a-whoopin’s. Good reader, should you be one in such a quandary and in dire need of a good a-whoopin’, I humbly encourage you to reach out to your brethren and sistren in the inner city and outer country, all well versed in the ancient art of a-whoopin’s. Now, I am not at all construing that a-whoopin’s are inconsistent with middle-class suburban life. It is just that I am a stickler for quality. And, I do so strongly feel that suburban middle-class a-whoopin’s are not comparable in quality nor consistency as one might receive elsewhere, as this social station lends too much to the white-collar. As to why, I believe H. G. Wells summarizes it best in his A Story of the Days to Come wherein he writes:

“He was a rough—a labourer. He wore the blue canvas. The laws of assault and battery, he knew, were not for the likes of him.” Incidentally, a-whoopin’s are frequently often in conjunction with a little known thing called, "comeuppance." And more often than you'd suspect, an a-whoopin’ just might constituent a comeuppance depending on the nature of the infallible idiocy which proceeded it. Now, finally, I wish to convey to you officially that I am in no way advocating violence. Contrary to many a misguided belief, a-whoopin’s are not in any way, shape or form a threat. A-whoopin’s are simply put rather a challenge. One is free to decline an a-whoopin’ if they so choose. And all anyone has to do is easily and plainly— boldly scamper back to whatever hellbent hollar they crawled out of, with their tails valiantly tuck between their legs, just like the gallant little goofus birds they truly are. My advice, just take the a-whoopin’, you'll be better off for it in the long run, Lenwood S. Sharpe, Director Lumberwoods, Unnatural History Museum Parts Unknown, The Woods, U.S.A.