WELCOME TRAVELERS OF THE HALLOW WOODS (November 15, 2024)— So, I had to squeeze an elf's head today, but that's not the sentence I never would have even thought to speak. It's certainly a sentence of that variety, definitely a contender; however, the actual sentence I never would have even thought to speak is actually much worse, as you will see.
Now, I got one of those big durn inflatable Santas, y'see? Mine is actually a set with a few assorted elves and Santa's bag, presents, nicknacks, what have you, all strung together as one. Well, it had been rainin' and was right windy the past couple of days, so I just left the thing deflated. Now, would it have been cool to see Santa fly without his reindeer? Yes. But, now ain't exactly the time and my price ain't on my dime, y'know? Plus, I don't think the neighborhood children would've appreciated it none neither.
Well, there he lay, the sun come back up and the wind moved on to the Big Rock Candy Mountains. Now, I begin inflatin' him per the usual. But the thing was with Santa, why, he couldn't seem to get it up. Not his elves, not the gifts, not his own peppermint-fed posterior. And weren't no Mrs. Claus round abouts to nag him back into shape neither.
