WELCOME TRAVELERS OF THE HALLOW WOODS (November 7, 2024)— Let's talk a-whoopin’s. A-whoopin’s were so common back in mizzin day that when you bought a sixteen ounce coke from the country store, right beneath the cap was inscribed, "One free a-whoopin’, payable at the biggest, dumbest lugger-mugger you can tick off."
And that’s just how it were back in the good old days (emphasis on old, not good) a-whoopin’s were a regular menu item in the restaurant of life and if you were lucky enough to pick a-beaten behind a drive-thru you might even get fries with that.
Now, incidentally, I believe one of the great calamities of our day is the lack of a-whoopin’s, as evidence by the sheer number of idiotic things said by the mind-broke gentry to persons that would normally provide an a-whoopin’ in response. As it is in the phrase, "You’re askin’ for an a—s whoopin’!" I think it indeed a tragedy of our time.
It is also perhaps one the leading cause of stupineity within the U.S. of A. Because when one is subject to an a-whoopin’, particularly repeated occurrences with varying degrees of intensity, individuals have a tendency to learn important life lessons much faster than those who have thus been deprived of this time-honored privilege.
