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Lumberwoods
“ TH E   D E A C O N ’ S   S E A T “
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I spoke on the habits of jackalopes, the charisma of wampus cats and the like, and, just as a treat for myself, I reminded them not to forget to inquire to their teachers for further information.

Well, at length, the little scamps scampered off, and my daughter and me continued on our adventure. I had entirely forgotten about the matter until just as we were leaving. For it so happened that in seeing ourselves out, a little someone saw to out us.

Just a couple more steps, and I would have been in the clear. And, yet, the fledgling little ankle-biter called forth exclaiming, "Bye mister! Thanks for the information about wampus cats!" Whereupon a very perplexed teacher began to peer, how you may say, faultfindingly in our direction.

I did not respond, but rather gave a subtle nod, proceeded to speed walk for my vehicle and whispered discretely to my darling little one, "Go, go, little one, move, quickly, faster, faster, FASTER!" Needless to say, we got outta of there quicker than one can pray to the porcelain god immediately after staggering back from a Mardi Gras party.

With twice the gumption, and none of the gumbo.

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The moral of this story being, of course, no good deed goes unouted. — Or, y'know, something of the sort.


I apologize to no one, and I regret nothing.

Lenwood S. Sharpe, Director
Lumberwoods, Unnatural History Museum
Parts Unknown, The Woods, U.S.A.




UPDATES: So, I just finished polishing off a little piece of tantalizing turpitude entitled: THE HANGMAN'S CHOKE BOOK (pdf), for all who wish to discard five minutes off their lives in meticulous morbidity. Erstwhile, I've also added a bit of dribble to the furrows of fiction in the THE WERENOUGHT.
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